


Different

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: “And yeah, there were rumors. Whispers about the way that tall weird girl was just a bit odd.”
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 27
Kudos: 64





	Different

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Renee for being the best cheerleader/beta a gal could ask for

There was something almost cruel in the way Fiona continued to grow despite the constant struggle to shrink herself in every other conceivable way. Like every attempt to go unnoticed only made her stand out more, and not necessarily in a good way. 

She was tall and lanky, but not in the cool way like her older brother who was somehow gifted with every possible genetic advantage and zero expectations on what he _should_ be. 

Certainly not in the sexy way like the women on the cover of all those magazines her mum keeps buying her.

Fiona knows she means well, but tips on makeup and dressing to attract whatever teen heartthrob she’s supposed to have a crush on this week do nothing but amplify the squirmy feeling in her gut when she’s staring just a little bit too long at the fashion section. She knows in the darkest corners of her mind, the parts she doesn’t allow herself to dwell in too long, that is not because she has the slightest interest in fashion. 

No, she was tall in the way that emphasized her awkwardness and how she never grew into her walk. It seems with every passing year, there was a new test on how to be a proper woman that she’d inevitably fail. 

It was another item in the ever-growing list of how she was...different. 

Different.

That was a recurring phrase throughout her life. Said with fondness from her mother as she told her tales of made up worlds at the kitchen table. Said with far less kindness the older she got; from peers, from notes scribbled on her report cards from well meaning teachers. 

“Fiona is a bright student with a creative mind. She just seems to have different priorities than other girls her age.”

She had mates who liked her well enough. They thought she was weird in a good way, despite their teasing at her odd hobbies. She learned the hard way that homemade horror movies and sci-fi stories were best left to the boys. 

She’d tried to explain the unfairness of it all to her mum as they would be left once again to tidy up dinner...after helping make dinner. Something about “learning to be a good wife someday.” She stopped listening once Kath uttered the word “future husband” and the squirmy feeling came back. 

She’d still sneak down to the basement every so often and play the old gaming console she and Martyn used to wear out before he told her it wasn’t for girls.

There was almost a relief in the way she was overlooked when it came to dating. It’s not like she was longing for another horrible kiss behind the lockers. She wanted to feel something, a spark or those stomach butterflies her friends keep going on about. The closest she’s come are the flutters that happen during a coed game on spin the bottle. Maybe being wanted by somebody wouldn’t be the worst thing. 

It still hurt. There was still a sting every time she overheard a boy fake gagging when he got her in a schoolyard match game. It’s not like she wasn’t already aware of the flaws they felt the need to point out. Mousey, bland, not ugly but not really anything to look at...

And yeah, there were rumors. Whispers about the way that tall weird girl was just a bit odd. Words of warning about sleepover invites and locker room eyes. Jokes that felt a bit too on the nose. 

The light at the end of the tunnel was the countdown on her calendar marking the days until she left for uni and a promise to herself to let this be an opportunity to change and reinvent. To be exactly who she is...whatever she is. 

*

She called herself _AmazingFiona_ partially for a ‘fake it til you make it’ kind of self-help confidence boost mentality that she’d read about in one of those magazines. More importantly, it felt like a quiet rebellion against everything she was told she wasn’t. 

People do find her amazing now. They line up in queues and write heartfelt letters detailing just how much she means to them, how her particular brand of weirdness made them feel less alone. 

People fancy her now too. Like...a lot. She feels as though she’s allowed to have a big head about it on occasion. It doesn’t mean that much, not really. Still though, roughly twice a year there is a fleeting desire to send all the schoolyard bullies links to the blogs and accounts dedicated to her quote unquote ‘astounding beauty’. 

She found who she was, and even learned to love it. She found people who loved her _because of_ , not in spite of. 

One person in particular, who actively and consciously chooses her. She chooses Fiona over every single person on this planet and loves her, really and truly loves her, for everything she is. 

There are times when she wakes up and still sees remnants of that girl staring back in the mirror. Still unnatural in stature and too big for her body, still awkward, definitely gay. 

She can look with compassion now. She’s learned to embrace most of the things she used to so desperately wish away. It’s been a long road, but she’s getting there. If not for herself, confident and self assured successful adult, for little Fiona. She deserves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/613156364399869952/different-g-905-ff-summary-and-yeah-there) :)


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